Top Ten Signs You Might be Watching Too Much HGTV
To go along with my contribution to the Ripple Effect Romance Series, I came up with a Tens List:
1. You start having dreams involving twins, Jonathan and Drew, from the Property Brothers that you can’t tell your husband and/or mother about.
2. When your kids want to know why they have to wear sunblock at the pool, you tell them it’s because ‘natural light’ is damaging to the skin.
3. In the spring when all your neighbors are having yard sales, you’re having an “outdoor living space” sale.
4. You come home from the mall, and when your husband asks where you’ve been all day, you say, “Out ‘sourcing’ about a half-dozen pair of shoes,” to which he responds, “That’s nice Honey. Glad you didn’t spend any money,” to which you don’t say, “Who said anything about not spending any money?”
5. You’ve begun to truly believe that everything you see on HGTV is as easy as it looks, and thus have cancelled your yearly vacation to Club Med so you can stay home to “reimagine” your master bath into a “spa retreat” you can enjoy year round instead.
6. When your DIY project lands you in the ER with injuries to body parts that are a little awkward to explain, and the doctor asks, “What were you thinking, operating a power tool while wearing only a tank top and shorts?” You say, “Well, I suppose I was thinking that if Nicole Curtis can renovate, and look sexy at the same time, why can’t I?”
7. You begin to seriously consider that quitting your job and selling your home so you can move to a tropical, third-world country where you know no one, and can’t speak the language, in order to open a surf shop, slash, yoga studio, slash, hookah bar is the most brilliant idea you’ve ever come up with.
8. You understand that in order to secure a guest spot on most any HGTV show, you “must have” a love of both “entertaining” and “enjoying a glass of wine,” a desire to live close to “restaurants, bars and shops,” and have at least one dog and/or a variety of other random pets. Children, however, are more or less optional.
9. You’re life has begun to resemble the last five episodes of Renovation Realities and thus you are no longer able to either “entertain” or “enjoy a glass of wine” because you have a house full of DIY projects you’ve started but can’t seem to get finished.
10. You’re constantly looking for ways to work Piėce de rėsistance into regular everyday conversations.
If you are experiencing six or more of these signs and/or have even an inkling of what the aforementioned is even talking about, you might want to delete any and all DIY shows from your DVR, turn off the TV, and pick up a book, or six. 5 out of 5 therapists recommended The Ripple Effects Romance series as a good place to start.